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Imps Reprieve

one small spark of sanity...is all I need...

Life currently
I can at least almost post freely here. No one reads live journal anymore as far as I know, so I don't think I need to worry about any repercussions. I just want to vent... sort of.

I hate everything. I feel unwanted, unlovable, undesirable, and among other things they make it plain to me that i'm nothing more than an afterthought.

i'm tired of feeling like this.

i'm tired of hurting.

all i want is a chance to be happy.

but that doesn't matter.

The Best Thing About Me Is You
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through the looking glass
People often say that there is more to this life than we realize.

it's very true.

things are more complicated than we may expect.

people are not all wonderful and kind like we hope they are.

hard work does not imply a good position.

knowledge may be power but chances to use it are not always offered.

love doesn't last.

loneliness can sweep you away even in the midst of a crowd.

*shrug* next year. maybe next year will be better.

Slight Venting

I’m not a Christmas person.
I’m much more comfortable at Halloween.
Because people don’t tend to have as many high expectations about what they’re going to get.
Not only that, I can be myself without having to worry about any repercussions.

I’m not saying Christmas is bad. What I’m saying is that it’s exhausting, and there’s way too much commercialism. Halloween isn’t disguised as a Religious Holiday that we get off of work and that schools are closed for. Christmas is.

All these people that are throwing fits about Christmas being attacked, THINK about THIS.

Christians, get Christmas and Easter off of work (generally speaking). A lot of stores and other establishments are closed on Christmas and Easter.

What other religion really has their holidays INGRAINED into our society so deeply that they get their holidays off? None that I can see. Sure some of the schools and colleges give a couple holidays off depending on how much of their population actually celebrates them. But it’s only Christmas that is found on teh United States Federal Holiday list.

Which brings up this question, given the fact that there is supposed to be a separation of church and state, what does that say?

mhm. Now I’m not saying that you can’t say “Merry Christmas!” But I’m getting tired of seeing all these arguments on the internet that there’s a war on Christmas, there’s not. People are just finally coming to the realization that not everyone celebrates the same holiday this time of year. They are trying to be considerate, as well as not hurt someones feelings.

Honestly, between the war arguments and the commercialism, my Christmas cheer was murdered before the season even got halfway through this year.

So call me a heathen if you want to. But enjoy whatever holiday you want to celebrate. I’m just not feeling any of them right now.

*stretch* ok list of things to do.

list of things to do this week

~  finish pony for Benji.
~ wrap the presents, as feeble as they may be ~_~
~  finish the photo albums for mom and brothers
~  clean apartment
~  eat something that doesn't make me feel sick
~ catch up on American Horror Story
~ watch a Christmas movie
~ write more blog posts, and keep the trend up, maybe we can do 400 in January?
~ cheer up

he seems to think if i tell him when somethings wrong things will change.

i tell him when things are wrong and he doesn't get it.

he doesn't seem to understand when i ask for something, usually there's a reason. he's eaten already, and even when i asked for something (the same time he was making things for himself)he couldn't be bothered to bring me something too.

am glad to know that he matters more than me.
dizzy. drained. headaches. itching. stomach ache. sore joints.
but why bother mentioning it? it's pointless.

work, keep working on blog. maybe if i bury myself in the blog i can ignore everything else.

hai hai
yes i am alive.

anyways i've been busy, and atm i can't sleep.

so i've been reading about these really cool ant farms and sea monkeys.

something simple, and neat to watch, that requires little to no maintenance.

but they could still entertain me, i know that they wouldn't love me... but i could pretend that they did. all those adorable little creatures, swimming in circles, or carving out tunnels for my amusement, just to make me happy.

makes me sound like i have a complex...or i'm lonely ~_~

i dunno... i wonder how many ants come in an ant far.... i wonder how i could tell them apart ~_~

and what about sea monkeys? they're supposed to live 2 years.... i wonder if they really do.

how long do ant farms live?

my fish is still alive... but he's got a bump growing on him.... am not sure if it's from his food, or his age, or if maybe he's just dying ~_~

fishy is very good, he makes me laugh.... he puffs his face up and makes faces at me... i don't mind that he bites now and then ~_~ but i dunno what am gonna do when he dies....

is kind of why i want to find something new to start distracting me ~_~ not that i think boy would understand.

i just want to feel needed ~_~

'cause if nobody needs me.... what's the point of me being here?

Not a happy camper
They're yanking boys chain, and they said they would know by monday (as in yesterday) whether he had the job or not


it's so annoying ~_~

he really needs this job.

la la la la la la la la la
Yes this weekend is almost over.

So, on the plus side, i'm motivated after having spent almost a full year anti motivated and without inspiration.

I finally have a reason to create, and I might even end up having a good sound base once I get moving.

People never really stood with me and said that it's ok to try before. they told me that i should try, but never gave me any ideas on how to get started.

now i'm getting started though.

I'm not afraid, because I am fairly confident in my work, and i know that it's different than the work of other people.

oh and i have a reading blog now. http://thebookshelfgoblin.blogspot.com/

uhm.... yeah i dunno. but that's where i do most my writing now, not really much to say about my life atm, but as things get pmoving i will start to be more active again.

mhm. I'm back!